Mississippi lawmaker proposes bill to ban male masturbation

Being an outlaw in Mississippi might be as easy as busting a crackpot, or at least that's what one state senator is suggesting with a new law that effectively bans masturbation…for men, anyway!

MS Sen. Bradford Blackmon even gave his law a catchy name – the Contraception Begins at Erection Act – which aims to prevent men from spreading (or wasting) their semen unless they intend to have a child. So no five-on-one games with yourself or any other form of pleasure that causes you to waste those precious sailors.

However, the bill provides for some exceptions…particularly with regard to activities related to the birth of babies, including sperm donation.

The bill, introduced Monday and currently in committee, would subject men to fairly hefty fines: first-time violators would be punished with a $1,000 fine, and those violating for the second time violate the law, pay $5,000.

The third strike would really cost the violators…a whopping $10,000!!! This is an expensive affair at the milkman, if you know what we mean.

It's unlikely the bill will gain traction in Mississippi's legislature, which is controlled by the Republican Party (Blackmon is a Democrat), but it's a pretty groundbreaking proposal considering most reproductive laws and bills focus on focus on the role of women in contraception.

Blackmon suggested that this was exactly the point of his bill. He told WLBT: “This bill highlights that fact and brings the role of men into the conversation. People can rebel and call it absurd, but I can’t say that bothers me.”

Mississippi currently bans abortion in most cases – other than to preserve the life of the mother or in cases of rape or incest – which came into effect after the U.S. Supreme Court ruled in Roe v. Wade had waived in 2022.

Attention, Mississippians – you may want to have some fun while you legally can.